They're ok, they won't mind - when a good natured person is pushed over the edge

There are some wonderful people out in the world. You see them doing thankless work and regularly going above and beyond. Often the motivation is not for the thanks. But it's what happens when the thanks is forgotten? That is when the real problems begin. 

Matthew works in a team of people at work who all get along well. He has a good relationship with his boss and goes about his work, rarely calling on help but always diligently getting his work done, and going over and above. Because he is reliable and appears to be okay the only time his boss would call in on him would be to ask him to do an extra task or to bring correction. 

This occurred year after year, regardless of the extra work that he would do, Matthew was never considered for other opportunities and often overlooked when it came to recognition programs and watched many others promoted above him.

People have to be connected with what they are doing. Whether it is in work or life. It is important to human kind to feel gratitude for what they have contributed. Failing to say thank you or showing gratitude will gradually wear someone down and wear them out. Showing gratitude isn't always just about saying thank you. Many people will feel valued in different ways. Not unlike the 5 Love Languages (c) where each person has one particular way that you can show them 'love' in a way that speaks to them the loudest.  

Failing to do this in any setting can eventually lead to disconnectedness, bitterness and resentment for the person who has been used up and spat out. Whilst this was not the intent at all to make that person feel that way, it is in essence how a lack of gratitude can end up. Obviously the level of feelings varies depending upon someone's resilience and past experience. But you will find that left unattended a person's spirit and enthusiasm for what they do or contribute will soon shrivel up and no longer bear fruit. Similar to a flower bed, if cared for and given what it needs, it can create something beautiful but also something that can be enjoyed by others.

So what happened to Matthew? He lost his drive and trust in those he worked with. He became run down and suffered burn out. He began needing more days off work as his health suffered; He attended counselling to deal with the lack of self-confidence after the countless times people had been promoted ahead of him. It really became a life changing experience for him, and not in a good way. He had done a complete 180 degree turn on the person he started out to be at that workplace. 

But that's not everyone else's fault, why didn't he do something about it for himself? These are people who still have all the right tools and skills to be able to successfully navigate through situations like that, however it will only be able to sustain their self-motivation for so long. Then it will begin to run them down. Besides, taking advantage of someone's good nature or positivity is not okay. Just because someone has a smile on their face and works quietly away from the masses doesn't mean they don't need your support and gratitude. It is so important to recognise the little things, and the big things that a person contributes to your life or workplace. Find out what makes people tick; you will always get the best out of someone if you do.

Is there someone you need to say thank you to?

How will you react when you realise your child is gay?

It is sad to have a knowing that some people will read the heading of this blog and completely ignore that it was ever written. But thank you to those who care enough about their children and are brave enough to read on.

I am a mother of 2 girls. I love my girls for all the things that are different about them. I love that they don't always follow the crowd and they are individuals. They are gorgeous, and love to dress up and wear make up. But they also love to play hard on the basketball court and love adventure.
So, if they came to me one day and said "Mum, I'm a lesbian!" what would I do?

Before I answered that question I want to tell you why I want ALL parents to think about the question heading for this blog.

I have a gay dad. I love my dad to bits. I love that unconditional love means that I still have a great relationship with him (thanks to my mum too). However he, and many others in this world, have been criticised, rejected and cut off from their families because the family members did not choose love above all else. I have spoken personally to countless men and women that have been kicked out of home, banished from speaking to their families and in some cases have attempted suicide because of the rejection from their families.

Let's wind back the clock. You hold your child for the first time. They are absolutely perfect and look up at you and your world changes because they are now in it. You start to look to the future and wonder what they will be when they grow up, who will they marry, will they travel the world? You think about these things and have your own image of how these questions will be answered. But one thing we have to remember is that we absolutely no control over that or whether you son or daughter is gay or straight. They are who they are!

There are many children and teenagers that I have interacted with that already probably know that they are gay, but for a variety of reasons don't understand it or verbalise it. I have taught my children to be loving and caring of ALL people and in particular to be sensitive to those of their friends that may 'come out' during the time of their friendship with them. I am hoping that by talking about it with my girls and educating them, that a friend will find comfort and safety in the friendship they have to be able to confide in them and find support through their 'coming out'.

But my child is only 2 years old, it doesn't affect me!
Talking about this is just as important as talking about immunisation or child locks on power points. It is a life or death situation and I would hate to see parents being anything other than loving and supportive. I am sure that when your child was born you didn't say "I will only take them home if they are straight, I will only take them home if they never misbehave, I will only take them home if they become a teacher like me". You loved them unconditionally! NEVER stop doing that.

So to answer the question "if my girls came to me one day and said "Mum, I'm a lesbian!" what would I do?
I would say "OK" and give them a hug. No drama, no over the top craziness. Just pure and simple love.

Some kids know this really early on in life, yet some don't come to this acceptance until they are older. Either way, they need you to love them.