When did it become ok to stop caring?

I walk into a shop, wanting prompt service but then I am met by a mediocre hello, no eye contact and service that will definitely not win them any awards. Clearly the shop assistant didn't give a damn about my me or the business that I would bring in.

A friend works hard and takes pride in their contribution to their workplace, often going over and above what is necessary without any thanks or recognition. This pushed them to the point of exhaustion and suffers a near nervous break down needing time off work, and on their return to work, their manager not even  bothering to ask if they are OK?

On the court a referee drags their feet to keep up with the game, clearly disinterested in what they are doing. Missing call after call, with both teams becoming frustrated by the lack of interest they are showing in the game. They are being paid to provide a service. Why are they even there if they don't care about what they are doing?

When did we stop caring? When did we stop valuing the contribution of those around us? In this day and age of technology we are too busy with our heads in our emails to actually see what is happening around us?

Service

Good service is a dying breed. It is so refreshing when you actually receive good service. By the time you do, however, it has been such a long time that you have had it, you don't recognise it! This purely and simply shows how much a person cares about the work that they do. You will rarely find a person who is able to give good service but doesn't care about the work that they do. Those who care want to do the right thing and do it well. They are people who don't want to bend the rules, and don't question them disrespectfully, they just get on with their work.

Would it kill you to say thanks or good job?

When someone does a good job, when someone does something nice for you, it would show you care by expressing your gratitude. It doesn't cost anything, it doesn't take a lot of energy to show genuine thanks. Ongoing lack of care in this area will cause relationships to break down. We have all had one of those friends or colleagues that you keep going out of your way to help and end up feeling used and abused. They quickly end up as "acquaintances" instead of friends, and for those work colleagues you learn quickly not to use your energy in helping them anymore (normally before its too late and you are spent). Nobody wins.

In a workplace situation a thanks or good job can go a long way. Studies show that recognition is closely linked with engagement and helps with a positive work environment. Staff are more productive, provide better service and are there more if they feel valued. It's not rocket science, but often a forgotten critical element.

Again, it doesn't take a lot of effort to write a thank you card, buy someone a coffee, take over someones work when they are overloaded, shout someone lunch, send them flowers anonymously, or just simply say a heart felt thanks. It will make their day. How do I know???? Read on

You can influence some changes around you!

I have used all of those suggestions above to show the value people have to me and the contribution they make. At times not only just to me, but to recognise that they have had a positive influence on others around them. Sometimes they knew it came from me, other times they didn't. But what is important is that they knew that someone DID care about what they are doing and about them as a person. These people all say that the random act of kindness that was shown made their day!

It is NOT OK to stop caring, make sure that you continue to show genuine gratitude and take pride in everything that you do! You can change the world......one person at a time.

Why are children more well behaved on holidays?

At the end of our second family holiday this year, it always amazes me how the kids seem so much more well behaved. Is there something that the teachers give them on the last day of school?
I was convinced that there was something in the water, until I realised how much more it is about ME than it is about them.

On holidays there is no pressure of work, after school activities, no time lines or places to be. My kids are only reflecting me. When I am feeling and expressing the stress of life, so are they. But as children they just display it in a different way to adults.

So what can I do about it? There will always be work, after school activities and competing priorities. If nothing can be taken away, what changes can I make for my kids to reflect the 'school holidays behaviour' I so much enjoyed?

• Be organised - with organisation, comes order and routine. This helps in making sure everything runs to plan
• Worry about what matters - if things don't go to plan, does it really matter? Don't sweat the small stuff.
• Ask for help - If it all really is too much to cope with, don't be proud, ask for help.
• Enjoy life - As simple as this sounds, don't let life pass you by, make sure you enjoy your time with those that are important to you.

I intend to go into the last term of the year with these ideas in mind because in the lead up to Christmas it isn't going to slow down is it? I feel prepared and ready for what the remainder of the year has to bring.

Life Lesson: Its not important to be right all the time...

There are so many lessons I want to teach my children. But one that I regularly find myself saying to my kids is this one:

"It's not important to be right all the time"

I say this in the midst of a battle between each other or with me about who started the fight, or what the other one said or did first. Seriously does it really matter? Hence why I find myself making this statement, because I want them to think about what its like in real life out there. If all you want to be is right all the time, how do you demonstrate that all important life skill of negotiation, or just plain old consideration for others.

Think about the following:

• What have you gained from digging in your heels to get your point across?
• Have you gained the respect of people because you ALWAYS prove to be right?

This has been something that I personally have come to the realisation of how true this statement is. I have learnt to keep my emotions and thoughts in check when someone has a differing opinion to me. I quickly do a 'risk' assessment of what it will 'cost' for me to have the debate and what I have to lose or gain from this. On a scale of 1 to 10 how important is it that my point be heard? Obviously there are non negotiable topics where you need to ensure that the other party knows that your stand point is the one to be followed for instance in the case of children and disrespectful behaviour or perhaps unethical work practices in the workplace. Often the rest is really not as important as what we may first see. I also call this 'fighting the big battles' which is a whole other topic all together.

The constant need to be right will soon turn relationships sour and the only thing you gain is a reputation for being a know-it-all. Arrogance is not a trait that looks very good on anybody, children and adults alike.

Food for thought?

Try something new - you might actually like it!

How many times do you hear at the dinner table, particularly with children, when offered something new "I don't like that!". More often than not it is said for something that has never even crossed their lips before. It might look or smell funny or different than what they are used to, or that it might seem silly to eat it.

Are you like that in life? When something new comes your way you baulk at it because it is not something that you are used to. You don't want to give it a try because of what people might think.

Who cares? No really, ask yourself, who cares? What do you really have to lose? Do you have anything to lose at all? Is it possible that you might just like it and, heaven forbid, actually find it to be enjoyable.

Put your hand up for that opportunity at work that you wanted, you might find a skill that you have not been able to use before. You might have found your niche, or even a new career path. You might make a life long friend or learn a new skill.

I think back to where this thought process came from, the dinner table with my children. The arguments over whether something has sauce on it, doesn't look the same or smells funny are never ending. It causes unnecessary stress for me and conflict for my family. I love those times where the kids happily try something new, a cheeky smile comes across their face as they say "mmmm nice". I am immediately relieved and know that there is another dish that I can add to my repertoire that I can make for everyone in the family. It basically pays dividends in the long run.

What are you going to try that will help pay dividends to your life in the future? What causes you inner conflict?

Should you care about what others think about you? Sometimes it is worthwhile taking the risk of looking silly, for the potential of what the future may hold.

What are you going to try new today, this week, or this year?

Self Awareness - Just a buzz word or a necessary skill?

How important is it to be aware of ones self?

There are so many people who have an opinion about you, so who do you listen to?

Is it important to remove the emotion from the feedback and genuinely hear what is being said about you. It isn't always nice to hear things about you that are unflattering or negative. But there are benefits if you respectfully listen and analyse what is being said, you will find that you will gain the respect of the person giving the feedback and gain some insight into yourself.

Many times in my life I have not listened to what others had in the way of feedback for me, or listened respectfully and walked away still thinking that I knew best. After frequently being overlooked for a position that I wanted, I decided that it was time to do something differently. I started to listen, and I mean really listen. I even sought out a colleague who I knew really didn't like to me hear what they had to say about me and how I was perceived.

I listened respectfully and heard what they had to say, and although there was a lot of very hurtful things said, I did not get my defences up but listened and tried to compartmentalise how I could improve what I do, or how I could do things better. You will not always be able to please everyone, and I do not suggest even trying. This will only lead to much frustration and hard work, not to mention a near impossibility.

Now I find that I use my intuition to be able to seek out opportunities for growth. I often sense there is something just not right with a person or a relationship with me, then I go to them and seek feedback starting with my intuitive observations. Never underestimate the power of your intuition.

There are many opportunities for self analysis and awareness. Ask people what you did right in any situation, ask what you could have done better too. Don't shy away from opportunities, face them head on.

I know that I am the following things:

• A control freak
• Seen as someone who is a suck up to superiors
• A little bossy
• Not perfect and will never be
• Not good with things that require attention to detail

These are just a few of my learnings. What will yours be?

Some of them are fact, and some are perception. The trick is awareness, so you can work to your strengths and make sure you manage how you deal with situations that arise where those areas, like those above, could be a barrier.

We all know people who lack self awareness. You're probably thinking of about 3 people right now that could do with a jolt of awareness. You don't want to be on someone else's list.

Remember: Big mountains are hard to climb, but the view is GREAT!

Mother's Day: What I learn when I look at my children

Mother's day is an interesting time where we stop to thank and recognise our mums. For me its more about what my children have taught me.

The last couple of weeks my children have taught me about resilience, forgiveness and determination. I welled up when I saw my 11 year old daughter embrace a friend at the end of the State cross country to congratulate her for her placing. The same girl that deeply hurt her feelings earlier that week causing my daughter to come home in tears. Forgiveness at its best as she did not allow the situation to escalate but went back bravely to school to talk about it maturely instead of retaliating and allowing to cause her friendship to go toxic.

Determination is an incredible character trait which I have learnt from my 8 year old daughter. She naturally has the killer instinct and continues to go after what she wants. I am learning more that if there is something that I want, I need to stick at it and not give up. I have never seen an 8 year old so focussed on a goal and going hard for it.

So this Mother's Day I stop to thank my children for the lessons that they teach me. They continue to remind me of those simple lessons that we forget about as we get older. The simplicity of forgiveness, maturity to deal with adversity and determination to accomplish goals. Thank you girls for everything and being an amazing part of my life and journey.