An open letter to the basketball community of NSW

Let's shine basketball community

To NSW basketball community,

I know that I have not met every single one of you, but of the many that I have I wanted to share my experience and thanks for embracing our little family into the fold. 

Only 3 years ago we joined the basketball community more seriously with our eldest daughter (then 13) being selected to represent a country club on the Central Coast. From this moment on we have met some of the kindest, genuine and nicest people.

Being a new family we had a lot to learn about regulations, competitions, selection opportunities, new locations, team dynamics, and all around expectations of being a basketball family. We have been helped so much along the way with all of these things.

I have had the privilege of watching a ridiculous amount of basketball games over a number of locations and in matches at club level, school competitions, Country Tournaments, State Cup and State Championships. In addition to that attended a number of WNBL & NBL games and Waratah League matches too including finals weekend. I have spoken with players, family members, parents, coaches, managers, adminstrators, volunteers and fans of the game. 

I have surmised that the basketball community is the best sporting community that NSW has to offer.

Our family has been sewn into the fabric of the basketball community and very quickly immersed ourselves amoungst this wonderful group of people. We consider it an honour to be considered part of this sport and whilst it doesn't get the support or the coverage that it deserves, I will continue to do what I can to raise the profile of basketball in this state and country. 

So I ask you all the question? Are we all doing our part to support the sport at all levels?

I challenge everyone to talk about basketball with your friends, your colleagues  when you're at the shops, when you're at the hairdressers, when you're talking with business people, on social media, at speaking engagements and on the telephone. Email your local paper and TV news to petition them to put more basketball stories in print and on the television.

Go to your local matches, support the sport by becoming a member of a an NBL & WNBL team nearby. If you have the means, consider sponsoring a club that has a junior representative side. 

It's a GREAT community and over time I can't wait to meet more and more of you over the coming years. Thanks for everything so far and for yet another brilliant basketball season. 

Hannah Pate

Basketball Tragic & Fanatic Supporter

They're ok, they won't mind - when a good natured person is pushed over the edge

There are some wonderful people out in the world. You see them doing thankless work and regularly going above and beyond. Often the motivation is not for the thanks. But it's what happens when the thanks is forgotten? That is when the real problems begin. 

Matthew works in a team of people at work who all get along well. He has a good relationship with his boss and goes about his work, rarely calling on help but always diligently getting his work done, and going over and above. Because he is reliable and appears to be okay the only time his boss would call in on him would be to ask him to do an extra task or to bring correction. 

This occurred year after year, regardless of the extra work that he would do, Matthew was never considered for other opportunities and often overlooked when it came to recognition programs and watched many others promoted above him.

People have to be connected with what they are doing. Whether it is in work or life. It is important to human kind to feel gratitude for what they have contributed. Failing to say thank you or showing gratitude will gradually wear someone down and wear them out. Showing gratitude isn't always just about saying thank you. Many people will feel valued in different ways. Not unlike the 5 Love Languages (c) where each person has one particular way that you can show them 'love' in a way that speaks to them the loudest.  

Failing to do this in any setting can eventually lead to disconnectedness, bitterness and resentment for the person who has been used up and spat out. Whilst this was not the intent at all to make that person feel that way, it is in essence how a lack of gratitude can end up. Obviously the level of feelings varies depending upon someone's resilience and past experience. But you will find that left unattended a person's spirit and enthusiasm for what they do or contribute will soon shrivel up and no longer bear fruit. Similar to a flower bed, if cared for and given what it needs, it can create something beautiful but also something that can be enjoyed by others.

So what happened to Matthew? He lost his drive and trust in those he worked with. He became run down and suffered burn out. He began needing more days off work as his health suffered; He attended counselling to deal with the lack of self-confidence after the countless times people had been promoted ahead of him. It really became a life changing experience for him, and not in a good way. He had done a complete 180 degree turn on the person he started out to be at that workplace. 

But that's not everyone else's fault, why didn't he do something about it for himself? These are people who still have all the right tools and skills to be able to successfully navigate through situations like that, however it will only be able to sustain their self-motivation for so long. Then it will begin to run them down. Besides, taking advantage of someone's good nature or positivity is not okay. Just because someone has a smile on their face and works quietly away from the masses doesn't mean they don't need your support and gratitude. It is so important to recognise the little things, and the big things that a person contributes to your life or workplace. Find out what makes people tick; you will always get the best out of someone if you do.

Is there someone you need to say thank you to?

How will you react when you realise your child is gay?

It is sad to have a knowing that some people will read the heading of this blog and completely ignore that it was ever written. But thank you to those who care enough about their children and are brave enough to read on.

I am a mother of 2 girls. I love my girls for all the things that are different about them. I love that they don't always follow the crowd and they are individuals. They are gorgeous, and love to dress up and wear make up. But they also love to play hard on the basketball court and love adventure.
So, if they came to me one day and said "Mum, I'm a lesbian!" what would I do?

Before I answered that question I want to tell you why I want ALL parents to think about the question heading for this blog.

I have a gay dad. I love my dad to bits. I love that unconditional love means that I still have a great relationship with him (thanks to my mum too). However he, and many others in this world, have been criticised, rejected and cut off from their families because the family members did not choose love above all else. I have spoken personally to countless men and women that have been kicked out of home, banished from speaking to their families and in some cases have attempted suicide because of the rejection from their families.

Let's wind back the clock. You hold your child for the first time. They are absolutely perfect and look up at you and your world changes because they are now in it. You start to look to the future and wonder what they will be when they grow up, who will they marry, will they travel the world? You think about these things and have your own image of how these questions will be answered. But one thing we have to remember is that we absolutely no control over that or whether you son or daughter is gay or straight. They are who they are!

There are many children and teenagers that I have interacted with that already probably know that they are gay, but for a variety of reasons don't understand it or verbalise it. I have taught my children to be loving and caring of ALL people and in particular to be sensitive to those of their friends that may 'come out' during the time of their friendship with them. I am hoping that by talking about it with my girls and educating them, that a friend will find comfort and safety in the friendship they have to be able to confide in them and find support through their 'coming out'.

But my child is only 2 years old, it doesn't affect me!
Talking about this is just as important as talking about immunisation or child locks on power points. It is a life or death situation and I would hate to see parents being anything other than loving and supportive. I am sure that when your child was born you didn't say "I will only take them home if they are straight, I will only take them home if they never misbehave, I will only take them home if they become a teacher like me". You loved them unconditionally! NEVER stop doing that.

So to answer the question "if my girls came to me one day and said "Mum, I'm a lesbian!" what would I do?
I would say "OK" and give them a hug. No drama, no over the top craziness. Just pure and simple love.

Some kids know this really early on in life, yet some don't come to this acceptance until they are older. Either way, they need you to love them.

When did it become ok to stop caring?

I walk into a shop, wanting prompt service but then I am met by a mediocre hello, no eye contact and service that will definitely not win them any awards. Clearly the shop assistant didn't give a damn about my me or the business that I would bring in.

A friend works hard and takes pride in their contribution to their workplace, often going over and above what is necessary without any thanks or recognition. This pushed them to the point of exhaustion and suffers a near nervous break down needing time off work, and on their return to work, their manager not even  bothering to ask if they are OK?

On the court a referee drags their feet to keep up with the game, clearly disinterested in what they are doing. Missing call after call, with both teams becoming frustrated by the lack of interest they are showing in the game. They are being paid to provide a service. Why are they even there if they don't care about what they are doing?

When did we stop caring? When did we stop valuing the contribution of those around us? In this day and age of technology we are too busy with our heads in our emails to actually see what is happening around us?

Service

Good service is a dying breed. It is so refreshing when you actually receive good service. By the time you do, however, it has been such a long time that you have had it, you don't recognise it! This purely and simply shows how much a person cares about the work that they do. You will rarely find a person who is able to give good service but doesn't care about the work that they do. Those who care want to do the right thing and do it well. They are people who don't want to bend the rules, and don't question them disrespectfully, they just get on with their work.

Would it kill you to say thanks or good job?

When someone does a good job, when someone does something nice for you, it would show you care by expressing your gratitude. It doesn't cost anything, it doesn't take a lot of energy to show genuine thanks. Ongoing lack of care in this area will cause relationships to break down. We have all had one of those friends or colleagues that you keep going out of your way to help and end up feeling used and abused. They quickly end up as "acquaintances" instead of friends, and for those work colleagues you learn quickly not to use your energy in helping them anymore (normally before its too late and you are spent). Nobody wins.

In a workplace situation a thanks or good job can go a long way. Studies show that recognition is closely linked with engagement and helps with a positive work environment. Staff are more productive, provide better service and are there more if they feel valued. It's not rocket science, but often a forgotten critical element.

Again, it doesn't take a lot of effort to write a thank you card, buy someone a coffee, take over someones work when they are overloaded, shout someone lunch, send them flowers anonymously, or just simply say a heart felt thanks. It will make their day. How do I know???? Read on

You can influence some changes around you!

I have used all of those suggestions above to show the value people have to me and the contribution they make. At times not only just to me, but to recognise that they have had a positive influence on others around them. Sometimes they knew it came from me, other times they didn't. But what is important is that they knew that someone DID care about what they are doing and about them as a person. These people all say that the random act of kindness that was shown made their day!

It is NOT OK to stop caring, make sure that you continue to show genuine gratitude and take pride in everything that you do! You can change the world......one person at a time.

Why are children more well behaved on holidays?

At the end of our second family holiday this year, it always amazes me how the kids seem so much more well behaved. Is there something that the teachers give them on the last day of school?
I was convinced that there was something in the water, until I realised how much more it is about ME than it is about them.

On holidays there is no pressure of work, after school activities, no time lines or places to be. My kids are only reflecting me. When I am feeling and expressing the stress of life, so are they. But as children they just display it in a different way to adults.

So what can I do about it? There will always be work, after school activities and competing priorities. If nothing can be taken away, what changes can I make for my kids to reflect the 'school holidays behaviour' I so much enjoyed?

• Be organised - with organisation, comes order and routine. This helps in making sure everything runs to plan
• Worry about what matters - if things don't go to plan, does it really matter? Don't sweat the small stuff.
• Ask for help - If it all really is too much to cope with, don't be proud, ask for help.
• Enjoy life - As simple as this sounds, don't let life pass you by, make sure you enjoy your time with those that are important to you.

I intend to go into the last term of the year with these ideas in mind because in the lead up to Christmas it isn't going to slow down is it? I feel prepared and ready for what the remainder of the year has to bring.

Life Lesson: Its not important to be right all the time...

There are so many lessons I want to teach my children. But one that I regularly find myself saying to my kids is this one:

"It's not important to be right all the time"

I say this in the midst of a battle between each other or with me about who started the fight, or what the other one said or did first. Seriously does it really matter? Hence why I find myself making this statement, because I want them to think about what its like in real life out there. If all you want to be is right all the time, how do you demonstrate that all important life skill of negotiation, or just plain old consideration for others.

Think about the following:

• What have you gained from digging in your heels to get your point across?
• Have you gained the respect of people because you ALWAYS prove to be right?

This has been something that I personally have come to the realisation of how true this statement is. I have learnt to keep my emotions and thoughts in check when someone has a differing opinion to me. I quickly do a 'risk' assessment of what it will 'cost' for me to have the debate and what I have to lose or gain from this. On a scale of 1 to 10 how important is it that my point be heard? Obviously there are non negotiable topics where you need to ensure that the other party knows that your stand point is the one to be followed for instance in the case of children and disrespectful behaviour or perhaps unethical work practices in the workplace. Often the rest is really not as important as what we may first see. I also call this 'fighting the big battles' which is a whole other topic all together.

The constant need to be right will soon turn relationships sour and the only thing you gain is a reputation for being a know-it-all. Arrogance is not a trait that looks very good on anybody, children and adults alike.

Food for thought?

Try something new - you might actually like it!

How many times do you hear at the dinner table, particularly with children, when offered something new "I don't like that!". More often than not it is said for something that has never even crossed their lips before. It might look or smell funny or different than what they are used to, or that it might seem silly to eat it.

Are you like that in life? When something new comes your way you baulk at it because it is not something that you are used to. You don't want to give it a try because of what people might think.

Who cares? No really, ask yourself, who cares? What do you really have to lose? Do you have anything to lose at all? Is it possible that you might just like it and, heaven forbid, actually find it to be enjoyable.

Put your hand up for that opportunity at work that you wanted, you might find a skill that you have not been able to use before. You might have found your niche, or even a new career path. You might make a life long friend or learn a new skill.

I think back to where this thought process came from, the dinner table with my children. The arguments over whether something has sauce on it, doesn't look the same or smells funny are never ending. It causes unnecessary stress for me and conflict for my family. I love those times where the kids happily try something new, a cheeky smile comes across their face as they say "mmmm nice". I am immediately relieved and know that there is another dish that I can add to my repertoire that I can make for everyone in the family. It basically pays dividends in the long run.

What are you going to try that will help pay dividends to your life in the future? What causes you inner conflict?

Should you care about what others think about you? Sometimes it is worthwhile taking the risk of looking silly, for the potential of what the future may hold.

What are you going to try new today, this week, or this year?